A recent family bereavement started me thinking about the costs of a funeral in the UK.

Funeral arrangements are especially tricky because you often have to make dozens of decisions in a short period of time. Death is a subject most of us would rather avoid. But it really is important to talk about because the more you know, the more you’ll be able to honor a family member without spending more than you can afford.

The truth is, funerals can be a major expense. According to the funeral-pricing site Parting.com, the average funeral now costs $10,000 in the USA, including funeral home fees, a casket, cemetery plot and the cost of opening and closing the grave. The costs can go even higher.

I know that there are a lot of good people working in the funeral industry, but there are also a few unscrupulous ones who try to take advantage of family members’ grief. They might, for example, show you an expensive mahogany casket before showing a simpler, less expensive one, and suggest “I know you’d want only the best for your mother.”

What do I need to do straight away?

If someone dies at home and their death was expected, call the family doctor and nearest relative. In most instances the doctor will issue a medical certificate of the cause of death to allow the death to be registered at the Register Office. A Death Certificate will then be provided.

Having spoken with the GP practice and when you feel ready to do so, you can contact a funeral director.

If someone dies at home unexpectedly, call 999 and ask for advice. 

An unexpected death may need to be reported to a coroner. A coroner is a doctor or lawyer responsible for investigating unexpected deaths. They may call for a post-mortem or inquest to find out the cause of death. This may take some time, so the funeral may need to be delayed.

If someone dies in hospital, the hospital will usually issue a medical certificate and formal notice. They will support you with the next steps you need to take. The body will usually be kept in the hospital mortuary until the funeral directors or relatives arrange a chapel of rest, or for the body to be taken home.

If someone dies abroad

If someone dies abroad, register the death according to the regulations of the country. Register it with the British Consul in the country too, so you can get a consulate death certificate and a record can be kept in the UK.

Finding a funeral director

Once the death is registered, you can find a funeral director. It’s best to choose one that is a member of the National Association of Funeral Directors.

Ask for an itemised quote which includes:

• the funeral director’s services
• a coffin
• transfer of the deceased person from the place of death, and care of them before the funeral
• a hearse to the nearest crematorium or cemetery
• all necessary arrangements and paperwork.

There may be extra charges for third parties such as the crematorium, clergy and doctors. Funeral directors may ask for these fees to be paid upfront. Later, if you want to place a grave stone on the greave, expect to pay around £2,500 - £3,000.

Arranging a funeral without a funeral director

You don’t have to use a funeral director if you don’t want to – you can have a ‘do-it-yourself’ funeral. DIY funerals can be less expensive, more environmentally friendly as well as more personal and intimate. This type of funeral often takes place when someone makes their wishes clear before their death and plans for it themselves, as it can involve more advance planning. Contact your local council if you want to arrange a funeral in your local cemetery or crematorium.

Paying for a funeral

Arranging a funeral can not only be stressful - it can also be expensive. If you're paying for the funeral, think carefully about what you can afford.

The funeral can be paid for by:

• you or other family members or friends
• a lump sum from a life insurance policy or pension scheme the person paid into
• a pre-paid funeral plan the person took out
• the person’s estate (any money, property or assets they left). Funeral costs take precedence over other debts
• money the person had in a bank or building society, although they don’t have to release the money until probate (the legal process of distributing the money, property and possessions of the person who's died) is granted. If there’s a delay, you may need to pay the costs in the meantime.